This day in P.E. started normal enough, we all got together in formation and were quietly talking about how we were going to beat our run times, do this and that and it was a gorgeous day. Coach Winters came in, clipboard, whistle, hat and all, but he seemed just a little off. He started going through the roll call, but before he got to the first name, three people came into the gym, and motioned for him to come to the door.

He put us at ease, and said he would be right back. So we stood there, wondering what was going on. We noticed that on this Wednesday, the new kid who just came on Monday was not in P.E. formation. The three people at the door were the new kid, Martin LaSera, Principal Morgan and a lady who we had never seen before. She looked mad; she wasn’t saying anything but the gym is not that big and we could sort of hear a little of what was being said.

Coach Winters came back after about ten minutes, and told us in a low voice, which was really weird for him, always yelling and carrying on. “Team, I have to leave, so I won’t be conducting class today. Apparently I have a contingency I have to settle; I can’t get a substitute coach this fast, so Onion will be my ghost today. Treat him just like you treat me; he will be conducting all things P.E. through the remainder of P.E. period.

He turned to Onion and handed him the clipboard, “Onion, you will be my ghost today. Don’t let it go to your head, son. Now run to my office, get one of the new whistles I have in a pack on the wall, and grab one of the new school hats. Run the checklist just like usual; you know the drill.”

Onion looked surprised and happy, and immediately went to Coach Winters’ office there in the gym, and got the whistle and hat. He was wearing both when he came back, and Coach Winters’ handed him the clipboard, and pointed out, “Run Exercise Option four, with the standard routine. Extra pileups as warranted; I don’t want any of you knuckleheads getting winded on my watch. I apologize for the abrupt nature of this, but apparently someone in the head shed doesn’t care for my coaching methods.”

We all got concerned and started protesting, and asking him if everything was OK. Coach Winters assured us, “All I can say is look around. Who is not in formation; that is all you need to know for now. Make me proud Onion, now form it up and get to work!” We all went back into formation after Coach Winters left, as Onion expertly mimicked every single thing Coach Winters did, just not as loud. We were happy for Onion, and worried about Coach Winters at the same time.

During cool down and pileup, we all got water and hung out together, asking each other what was up with Coach Winters. Rumors flew everywhere, and then Onion said, “I bet the new kid filed a complaint.” We all got alarmed at that possibility, as we all realized after three months, just how much we liked Coach Winters, and his weird style and crazy sense of humor.

Our fears were warranted; Principal Morgan came to our P.E. class just before it ended, and stated, “Kids, I hate to inform you, but Coach Winters won’t be with you for awhile. That is all I can say at this point; you will have a new coach in the meantime, for next P.E. class.” We were all kind of bummed out about that, and started asking Principal Morgan stuff like why? Who did this? What happened? Is Coach Winters OK?”

Finally, he had us all sit down on the floor, and he pulled up a folding chair and sat with us. He pulled up his two way radio, and radioed the secretary, that P.E. class would go on longer than usual. He needed to talk to us; let all other teachers know. She radioed back affirmative, and Principal Morgan began;

“Kids, I can’t tell you much, but there has been a serious complaint filed against Coach Winters. You asked me, now I am telling you what I can, since this is under administrative investigation. The new student, Martin LaSera complained to his mother about certain actions of Coach Winters against him, and Onion and others.”

Apparently Onion had told Martin about how him and the coach almost came to blows the first day, but how they settled it like men, and Martin decided he wanted to snitch. Not cool, not cool at all, and now Coach Winters was in trouble. I will admit he is a little hard to take, but he is a good man; anybody with a brain can see that.

After Principal Morgan finished, he asked us all, “Do you kids have any complaints about Coach Winters?” We all shouted, “No sir” and Onion was the loudest. Onion turned to Principal Morgan, and told him a little bit about the first day, and how Coach was nice when he was crying, and let him go clean up in the bathroom.

He said, and we all agreed that Coach was tough, but he was fair. And he was hilarious to boot. We told Principal Morgan that inside that rough man, was a heart of gold. We even said he was a marshmallow if you got to him right. We also let Principal Morgan know that if we lost Coach Winters, we would NOT be happy at all. Each kid started coming forward, showing how much muscle they had gotten, how their grades were better and how Coach treated us like men, and taught us a lot about life in general.

Principal Morgan looked a little surprised at how we vehemently defended our crazy, wild, paramilitary acting coach, but he didn’t let on what he thought. He simply said, “Looks like Mr. Onion took good care of you in lieu of Coach Winters abrupt departure. Next class is about ten minutes late, I have had the secretary take care of it. Just go to class and explain that I held you in the gym for a conference. When I find out more, I will let you know.”

We all went to class kind of freaked out about the whole thing. We just got used to Coach Winters, and now that stupid new kid has ruined everything! He is a punk, and probably worse than Mullard Muldoon ever was. We all considered giving that new boy a good “motivational talking to” and y’all know exactly what I mean. But we thought the better of it, since we might hurt Coach Winters “legal” case, and we didn’t want to do that.

Man, I never thought I’d say this, but I pray to God we don’t lose our new coach. I am really starting to like him, I really am. I will update y’all again, once I hear what happens.