When I get by myself to do my thinking, sometimes the dumbest stuff rises to the surface. Stuff like trash in the bottom of the water bucket ya know? It just wants to float up to the top and clog my brain. I will tell y’all about it if you wanna hear, and I know you do.

The other day I was just sitting all by my lonesome, staring at an ant trying to move one of my small pieces of potato chip I had dropped. He was doing pretty good too, but suddenly a dumb thought came to me; what if that ant had him a motor grader? He could scrape him a little ant ditch and his buddies could walk a single file line and not get stepped on. They could haul that potato chip out of here in nothing flat.

Then I got to wondering, right out of the blue what it would be like to ride in a car tire. I told y’all it was some kind of dumb. I bet I would get really dizzy and breathe out all of the air. I’d have to give the driver a flat tire, just so I could breathe. But I would have to let him park, so he wouldn’t wreck, and it would have to be the back tire. The spare tire in the trunk probably wouldn’t be as fun, or as dizzy either.

Then I wondered what it would feel like just to think it up and fly. Just sit there and close my eyes, and suddenly be in the clouds. Up there with God and everybody, just flying around here and there. I could fly over the town and wave at people. I would have to watch the power lines though; that would not be a fun flying expedition, no sir.

Back on the ground, my mind started really wondering. Could I actually survive in Antartica, like the people do on the tv sometimes? But that one didn’t suit me so I switched to another one in my mind. What if I could be a ghost anytime I want to? That thought was fun, so I started thinking up what I could do, being a haint. I would scare Mullard Muldoon half to death, and stare right out of the mirror at him, but just for a second.

I don’t think ghosts can actually see through a mirror though, because the mirror has that stuff on the back that makes it reflect. But him seeing ME in the mirror? He would probably run crying and be afraid to tell his mama I was a haint. I would put on a set of fangs and some blood on my face, maybe even a vampire mask and scare the living daylights out of him, and it wouldn’t even have to be Halloween neither! He probably wouldn’t sleep for a month!

Yeah, it would be fun to go around and say “wooo” and clink chains and be a proper ghost. I would probably get hungry since I never saw a ghost in a book or a tv that could actually eat something. The food would probably just fall to the floor, and he would pass right through it.

One thing is for sure; a ghost ain’t gonna fry no chicken. Can’t peel no potatoes either, since he only has ghost hands. Poor ghost. Come to think of it, being a ghost would be hungry, and lonely. Yep, there I go again; that’s what I get for thinking.