Have anyone of y’all ever been to church camp? Man I love it when Mamaw lets me go to church camp. Uncle Muddy always frowns, since he doesn’t like religion of ANY kind, and thinks they brainwash us, but that’s just him. Its kind of like Vacation Bible School for two whole weeks, but VBS is for the little kids. We don’t color in coloring books; we actually hike, explore and do plays and such and its a lot of fun. I get two whole weeks away from Shady too; I love him but sometimes a feller just has to get off by himself.

This last year I got to be one of the junior counselors, since I have been to camp every year straight for five years! Man I was so happy too. You see, Uncle Muddy taught me “dead reckoning” which is also called “terrestrial navigation” for two years. Stuff like how to read a compass, how to plot a course with points, and how to mark your back trail. Stuff like that he said he learned while in the military.

This year we had a new kid from another town named Jade Hinkleman. Normally, I try to always be friends with the new kid anywhere I go but this kid was mean. Not in your face mean, but his people owned the camp or something or other like that, and he thought he was hot stuff. Strutting around everywhere and giving orders, and he wasn’t even a counselor, like me! He was also way younger than all of us too!

All of his camp gear was brand new in the package, so I knew he had never done nothing like this. He was so mean the whole time, telling on everybody and being a smart mouth, that I decided we would make this a REAL memorable trip for him this year. Plus the preacher had been giving sermons on the Second Coming of the Lord, so that made my prank even more juicy!

The last day of camp, all of the staff and faculty go to a campsite on the other side of the river for a few hours and they have a staff party. Then later that night they come back, and throw us kids a party. Its a fun time, but it leaves all the kids under the supervision of the student counselors, and only ONE adult when they do their party. I made sure Jade wasn’t anywhere near our cabin (that’s the dorm we all stay in) because I got our adult supervisor to do me a favor and send him on a fake errand. The adult counselor liked me, so I had him go to the blockhouse at the front gate and give me about an hour.

Now generally we do pranks on the next to last day; all the camp staff expect this, and I cooked up a good one for Jade. I had everybody, about 20 of us except me and Jade, go up to the blockhouse and hide while Jade was gone on his fake errand. I slipped around back of our cabin with a bugle and waited. Then just as I saw Jade walking down the road towards the cabin, I blew that bugle loud. I had set this up with the adult counselor beforehand, he said them kids and him were cracking up with laughter when they heard it.

I made like I was crying when Jade walked up to me. Knowing that he was real gullible, and doesn’t know me that well, I sat down with my head in my hands and started repeating, “Oh God oh dear God I have been left behind! Oh God where is all them other kids?” I saw Jade and ran to him real quick while I was crying for real and laying it on. “Jade? Where is all them other kids? Where are the counselors?”

Jade snuffed and said “Oh they are at the party across the river.” But looking from our direction you couldn’t see nothing but pitch black. “No they ain’t Jade! I think we have been through the Rapture and been left behind!”

“Look man! None of the kids are here” and I left out a few pairs of sneakers and a shirt or two to make it believable. Suddenly our bully lost his swagger and seeing how upset I was he decided to get a little upset himself.

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY was around, since everybody on this side of the river was in on the joke. I ran around hollering, screaming for people “Are you there!” “Can anyone hear me!” Pretty soon I had Jade crying and blubbering his eyes out. “I heard the trumpet of the Lord, Jade, oh God we going to hell, man! We going straight to hell! Didn’t you hear the trumpet? What are we gonna do?!”

Jade got REALLY upset at that point. Just then 20 kids and the camp counselor on this side of the river came up, and told him it was a joke. He didn’t take it well, no sir. But what do you expect when you keep acting ugly, and all bossy to a bunch of kids you don’t know, and even tried to make friends with you? Like I said, don’t mess with Cactus Pete. Not even in church camp.