Wow! Just wow y’all! Jewel did it, she did it sure enough. She got ol’ Mullard Muldoon set up to meet that girl Pat Elenrud! She got it set so both of them would be riding horses at a local ranch / tourist attraction with us the same exact day! I ain’t sure who was more proud, Jewel, me or Mullard. So here is what happened yesterday. We went to the ranch on Saturday, me and Jewel. Uncle Muddy took us, and we just wanted to go over to the place and see it.

They have a little petting “zoo” of sorts, where kids can play with ducks, geese, various farm animals, and ride ponies and horses of course. They break horses there, and they do horse boarding. But their star attraction, at least in their eyes is the homemade waterfall with a goldfish pond in it. You buy your tickets, a dollar apiece and they have a concession stand, a farmer’s market and a place to buy homemade jellies, jams and honey.

You can also get farm-raised produce, meat, milk and that sort of thing. Its kind of like a tourist trap, one of them bucket list things that folks passing through Mississippi just have to stop at for a few hours. They also have a mini dirt racetrack. Sometimes they use it for go karts, but you can also use it to ride a rented horse around a track. They also have camping and a bath house. Something for everybody off the main trail.

Back to the horse part; Jewel somehow talked Pat Elenrud into going to that horse farm. and renting a horse for an hour or so. Jewel actually told her she and I both wanted to learn how to ride, which was partly true. Jewel and me rented a horse too, just to say we had a riding experience, truth be told. They had a little class for us, showed us how to ride and what commands to give. They gave us each a really tame horse, trained for this sort of thing. Pat was obviously very good at this; she kept telling me and Jewel what to do while we all three rode slow together.

And right on time, here comes Mullard Muldoon. He rented a horse too, even though his is at home. And there we all ended up, riding together, all four of us. Pat raised her eyebrows a bit when he showed up, of course that was because she had no idea he was coming, but she didn’t say anything. Jewel and I were genuinely trying to learn how to ride, since this is a pretty cool thing to do with your best girl. Pat sure did a good job keeping us from falling off or galloping away. We had two really well trained horses, Pat told us.

Well, Mullard rode with us a little while, then we all went back for a water break, for us and the horses. Jewel gave hers a sugar cube, which was nice I thought. We tied up our horses like Pat showed us, and went to the concession area for a drink and a hot dog.

Pat and Mullard sat down with us, and we introduced her to him. They both started immediately talking horses. “Man these guys sure know a LOT about horses.” I was thinking to myself. Things were looking good, and Mullard and Pat had a real nice talk about horses, although I could tell she was just being polite.

We finished our food and rode for awhile longer, then turned our horses back in. We had enjoyed it, and Mullard and Pat even rode fast ahead of us, just to show off a little bit. Both of them looked like natural riders, the way they was sitting in the saddle, and doing this and that and just looking like they knew what they were doing.

We all finished walking back to the concession area, after turning in our tack, horses and saddles. We went to where Uncle Muddy, Pat’s mama and Mullard’s mama was watching TV at the pavilion, waiting on us. He had brought me and Jewel there, and Pat’s mama and Mullard’s mama each drove them there. Everything went well we thought, at least I thought. We had helped Mullard get a chance at meeting her, and meet her he did. You gotta start somewhere when you want to meet somebody, and its best if its nice and slow.

And just when it looked like it would be a small success, getting Pat and Mullard to at least be friends, Mullard could not help himself. Right when we all went back to the parking area, Uncle Muddy and Pat’s mama walking with us, making small talk, ol’ Mullard blurted out, “Hey Pat! I like you. Want to be my girlfriend!” Oh Lord help us; I told that moron NOT to do anything like that about a million times before we came.

Pat said, stopping in her tracks, “I beg your pardon? You want me to do what?” Mullard said it again, “Pat, I really like you, maybe we should go steady together, whaddya say?” He said all that and stood there, with a big grin, bobbing his head just a little like he always does. Pat took one look at him and said, “I am not interested in being anybody’s girlfriend, sir. Have a nice day.” And off her and her mama went without another word. Not a goodbye, not a wave or even a grin. Just in the car, driving off gone!

I mean, we are all only 8th graders, and some of us (Mullard Muldoon) failed, so he should be in 9th grade. But I have never seen the air go out of somebody so fast as I did that day with Mullard Muldoon. He literally turned pale, then blushed, then sat down right in the parking lot and cried, with his mama standing right there, not knowing what to do. Jewel and I did not know whether to hug him or run.

We quickly said goodbye and told Uncle Muddy, get us out of here NOW! Uncle Muddy spun a little gravel, laughing to himself and took us home. Jewel and I had a conversation in the car about it. Here is how that went;

“Pete, I thought you told him to keep his mouth shut and be a gentleman.” Jewel said.

I replied, “Jewel, I did. I declare before God I did, about a million times over the last week. I told him, just be cool man do NOT say anything I don’t tell you to say. Just try to get to know her and stay cool.”

Jewel nodded and replied, “I guess it didn’t stick, Peter. He just isn’t there yet with the social graces.”

I was actually kind of mad; “Jewel, we tried hard, real hard to help that boy out! He and I have hated each other forever, since we were little. I ain’t never liked him, and I still don’t. I busted my rear end trying to help him on this, and what does he do? He makes himself out to look like a dang fool. And it kind of makes us look like fools too! Why can’t he just keep his mouth shut for once? I would love an answer to that.”

Jewel reached over and patted my hand. “Pete,” she said, “You did the best you could. I will get Pat aside next week at school and apologize to her for everything. Mullard just isn’t there yet, and that is not my fault, or yours. He is still immature, or he would not have bullied you and the other kids for so long. I know him probably better than anybody, since he is always hanging out with my brother Robert at the house, and he just doesn’t have what it takes.”

I said, “He is probably dumb enough to start bullying all of us again, and I will not stand for that…”

Jewel interrupted, “Pete, he may be grateful you tried, and Pat may yet still be friends with him yet. Who knows?”

I replied, still mad to Jewel, “Well I don’t care! I did my part and he is the one who got a big fat no, all because of his big huge mouth! I told him, over and over again what to do, and to not really say anything. What does he do? He flat tries to almost propose to her! He acted like a big shot, but he got shot down in flames.”

Jewel didn’t say anything else during the ride home. I sat there fuming, wondering why I even tried to help him. Uncle Muddy says, “No good deed goes unpunished” and I suddenly kind of see what he means. I always asked y’all to pray for me; well you need to add Mullard to that list. He didn’t look so good back there crying.

Sometimes I wonder why I even try to help. I declare it puts my mind on a wander.