Awhile back, we were all riding to town to get stuff at the store that Mamaw needed. She generally takes me and Shady with her, and Double Mamaw sends her a list since at her age she don’t travel much. We do all of our shopping on one day, because Mamaw don’t waste anything, including gas. Even if leftovers end up in the back of our refrigerator, which is rare Mamaw says “Don’t chunk those spoilt leftovers in the trash, some critter will eat it. We don’t waste no food round here, ANY food at all, even spoilt!” She is serious about this too.

So here we were in town shopping on Saturday morning, and Double Mamaw had asked for a specific brand of tobacco, to go in her snuff tin. That store is the only one who has her brand of snuff, and its about ten miles out on the south side of town, so we drove out there.

On the side of the road just across from that tobacco store, there is a church kind of by itself. Its had ‘For Sale’ signs out in front of it off and on for the last few years, and we always wondered what happened that they had to sell that little church so many times. This time though, the ‘For Sale’ sign had been removed, and the entire church had been painted pitch black.

Now why in the world would somebody paint a perfectly good church pitch black? Even the windows themselves was painted pitch black. I asked Mamaw, and she said, Maybe it ain’t a church anymore, and they turned it into a juke joint or a nightclub, or something or other like that.” Shady had taken a nap; when he woke up he saw the church painted black. He thought it was weird that it was black too. And the devil suddenly whispered in my ear; “Tell him its a devil worship church.”

I laughed to myself, and when we got to the store and Mamaw went in to get that tobacco for Double Mamaw I started winding Shady up (y’all know how terrified he is of ghosts and such). “Shady, I just bet you they turned that into a devil worship church.” I told him that with a serious look on my face.

“What, say it ain’t so Pete! Oh man and its right across the road too!” Shady was real alarmed at that possibility so I laid it on thicker. “You know that old woman that was a witch, and they said she died because her spell backfired? I bet she came back to life and bought that church with her blood money, and her dark spirits helped her paint it black. She did that too, because demons can’t stand the color of pure white; they can’t hide too good unless its black!” I went on, “Don’t tell nobody though, because the one that told me made me swear a secret, or that witch would try to put a spell on me too!”

He looked really alarmed then. Man I declare, I could tell him Bigfoot bought it and he would have believed me. We finished shopping, and Shady was uneasy for the rest of the shopping trip, but he didn’t say anything. When we got home and I was out of earshot of Mamaw, I told him “You know what? They probably had to paint it pitch black so none of the light gets in. That’s how vampires have to live, and there is probably all kind of evil stuff in that church, maybe even dead bodies?” Shady ran away from me half crying, after me telling him all that, and now I kind of wish I hadn’t told him.

At church on Sunday he ended up telling everybody that would listen, including the preacher and the deacons that we found a devil worship church. At the end of the service, everybody else was saying “I saw it too! Painted slam black.” It would now be known officially as “The Devil Worship Church” on the south end of town to everyone in town!

Ain’t it amazing how one little rumor gets started? I guess I should have just kept my mouth shut this time.