Mamaw loves church, she REALLY loves church and drags us there every single time the doors open. Sunday, Sunday night, Wednesday night, ice cream suppers, Saturday dinner on the grounds no matter what. Rain or shine she is in church. She also talks like every day is the Old and New Testament Bible times.

She says things like this, like when she prays real loud when she gets upset, when me and Shady aren’t behaving like she wants;

“Lard oh Lard forgive thy wayward servant thusly, for raising these hapless, these heathern trespassing youths in a way unseeming to Thee! I have failed Thee in Thy humble assignment as your servant oh Lard Jaysus! Oh dearest Gawd please I pray thee save these two helpless young sinners henceforth! Satan’s gaping maw beckons these two youths dear Gawd; his sulfur breath and hell’s flames skirt their very steps oh Lard! I can’t help but almost see the flames of their eternal torment oh Gawd, oh Lard Jaysus have tender mercy on their hapless, tempest-tossed souls in this Thy righteous and true judgement! Amen.”

She really prays like that and it scares Shady to bits to hear her talk that way. You see, Shady gets Santa Claus, Jesus and the Easter Bunny all mixed up. We tried to explain it to him, but it just gets him more confused. So when mamaw prays about satan and hell, he automatically thinks he is going there.

Anyway, Mamaw’s mother, who is my great grandma and lives with us (we call her Double Mamaw) doesn’t go too often to church at all. She complains about the cold, the heat, how the benches hurt her back, the preacher is too fat, you name it she complains about it. I guess a lot of older people just like her complain, maybe when I get old I will complain too? I doubt it, because I think life is good and I will be the old man dogs follow around for treats probably.

Double Mamaw is Uncle Muddy and Mamaw’s mother and she lives in the “granny hootch” Uncle Muddy built for her out back, but she spends most of her time in her special chair in the living room with us – she calls it her “knitting chair.”

She doesn’t hear too good, so we have to yell sometimes when she is in a different part of the house and she isn’t sitting in her special chair. She hears better there she says, because “its in the corner and the sound reaches her ears faster.” That’s what she says so we don’t argue. She also thinks Shady (who’s adopted) is her late sister’s kid, and we don’t tell her any different.

You can tell when Double Mamaw is mad or upset, like when Uncle Muddy and Mamaw start talking real loud about religion, because she moves to the couch. It upsets her and “makes her bones rattle” she says, and she “ain’t got time enough on this earth for no bone rattlin’ and monkey foolin’ religious arguments.” (I will tell y’all more about Uncle Muddy and Mamaw arguing later).

Anyway, we all live together, even though they are uncle, grandma, great grandma and Shady adopted, and then there’s me. Sometimes I think adopted family like that is more close than regular blood family, because we picked the adopted ones to love, and they picked us, kind of. My mama and daddy died right after I was born. There was some sort of accident but I don’t remember. Point is, it don’t matter, they are with Jesus and I love my family forever, even if I am blood kin and Shady ain’t.